13 MARCH, 2016.
Aidan Turner, 32 is an accomplished Irish actor with a lot on his plate right now. No, really. There's a lot on his plate. We've sat down in front of a very large continental breakfast in a lavish hotel in Spain and he is ignoring his eggs which is making the woman conducting this interview very, very antsy. Aidan wears a button down in a muted grey, a dark pair of jeans and boots and there are a pair of tortoise-shell sunglasses tangled up in his hair. He smells like flowery hotel shower gel and roast coffee. I sniff at him like a predator to bring you this information.
I prod him about the news that he is in talks to star as the next Bond, but he laughs it off. I try to steal a slice of bacon, but he is too quick. I am convinced this is a clue that he has been training for the role as he navigates all my clever attempts at coersion with aplomb. He is chatty and quick-witted and manages to get his food from fork to mouth without staining his trousers. It is impressive to say the least.
Born and raised in Dublin, his career has hit an all time high with the success of the Hobbit films and the BBC miniseries And Then There Were None. He has three new films in the pipeline, took part in the Loving Vincent biopic and just wrapped up filming the second season of Poldark. A show you should really be watching if you like the Cornish country side and bodice ripping.
I've known him for almost two years, having met through mutual friends at a gallery opening I was too inebriated to remember. At the behest of my grandmother who wanted me to make an overture on her behalf -- she plans to make him her second husband -- we got to talking, discovering we had a lot in common. Today, dear reader, you will discover all the ways in which you and this lovable imp are alike.
Let it be known that I assumed every answer to this interview was an attempt at flirtation as my interview subject has a terribly deceiving smile that can turn an otherwise innocuous question into a game of cat and mouse. This is as close to real life as you'll get re: how he conducted himself the morning this interview was recorded. And now, without further ado, I present you, Aidan Turner.
Aidan Turner: Let's do this interview madness shall we?
Gemma Arterton: Let's!
AT: Would you like to start or shall I?
GA: I'm happy to start. Are we doing this in order or however we feel it should go?
AT: I'll let you decide!
[Author's Note: Oh, look at us being so polite. How Victorian.]
GA: A gambling man! Alright. What are five things you don't particularly like that everyone else seems to love?
AT: Let's see... Twitter, kale, One Direction, Vikings and shirtless scything. [AN: Please click that link because the music this fan has paired it to has had me in stitches for ten minutes.]
GA: I don't believe any of those! Especially the last one. Do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert? Why or why not? Would you ever want to change it?
AT: That's hard to say, I think I may be a bit of both. I'm torn between the two most times, able to have a jolly time with friends and co-workers, but easily able to retreat within myself.
GA: I would think that would be the case for a lot of performers. There's a delicate balance between being in your own head and putting yourself out there. Would you ever want to change it?
AT: No, it works for me. I'm happy with it.
GA: What are the things you carry every day? In the literal sense and non.
AT: A massive head of curls, some lint, five o'clock shadow, mobile, an endless thirst for blood and coffee.
GA: You really do have a lot of hair. Is your thirst ever quenched?
AT: Rarely, but it has happened a time or two.
[AN: Here, we moved into a very, very long discussion about tea that has been cut to save you the agony of Rooibos vs Oolong.]
GA: Often, people will ask how your last relationship ended. Tell us, in a sentence or three, how it began.
AT: I believe it began with karaoke and a bento box.
GA: And a lot of saké, one would assume...
AT: An inordinate amount of saké.
GA: Far, far too much saké.
AT: Maybe just the right amount of saké.
GA: Enough liquid courage.
AT: Yes. [laughs]
GA: Moving on! Tell me the names of 4-6 women who inspire you.
AT: Women who inspire me... my mum, this woman called Gemma Arterton, hmmm Heida Reed and Eleanor Tomlinson off the top of my head.
GA: Oh god, why Gemma? She's awful. My next question to you is this one: Cynefin (n.) a place where a person or an animal feels it ought to live and belong; it is where nature around you feels right and welcoming. What's your cynefin?
AT: You're getting a pinch. Dublin will always be where I feel right and welcome. It's my home, the place I grew up and where my parents still live.
GA: A pinch! How dare you. How often would you visit if you didn't have the work commitments?
AT: Oh, I dare. All the time. I might think about moving back there if it weren't for work.
GA: I won't go down without a fight! What makes you uncomfortable? Alternatively, what makes you feel comfortable?
AT: I'm counting on it. Twitter and all of those social media things make me uncomfortable. But a good set of Egyptian cotton sheets make me feel quite comfortable.
GA: I'm taping up my knuckles! I imaging there would just be a lot of re-tweeting of your shirtless scything. Are you one of those sorts who has to have the specific thread count or they cannot sleep?
AT: I'm ready for you! No, I'm not one of those sorts, I just like the comfort.
GA: You won't see me coming! I do love when work puts you up in a fancy hotel and the bed sort of swallows you up with comfort. I've also tried so hard to try to pronounce the city you're from. Clondalkin. Cloaaane Dulkaaane? ...that isn't right, is it? [AN: Clondalkin = Cluain Dolcáin. Look at how hard this is!]
AT: Wanna bet? ...We'll work on the pronunciation.
GA: How much? Hahahaha, oh god, was it really that terrible? But okay, back to questions! Include 4-6 photos of albums or films from the past five years that have impacted your life in one way or another.
AT: I don't know, what are you willing to lose? Oh god. Okay. All the music I enjoy is old, so we'll go with films. Interstellar, Sicario, Moonrise Kingdom, Carol and Her.
[AN: There was another large segue here about how wonderful the film Sicario was. Aidan gave it five stars.]
GA: All. Of. It. What was the first song you heard by your favorite band? Do you remember where you were when you heard it? How old were you?
AT: Lovely Rita by the Beatles was the first song I heard and I was sitting in the middle of the floor in our lounge and my dad was playing the record. I think I must have been about twelve.
GA: Oh, I love this a lot. Did you family have a lot of records?
AT: My dad had a nice collection. But I really only listened to them when he was around. It was one of those off limits sorts of things.
GA: Ooh. Are they still off-limits?
AT: No, he lets me handle them now, luckily. But I don't really need to unless I'm feeling nostalgic for that old scratch.
GA: Speaking of nostalgia, I love listening to Pet Sounds by The Beach Boys on vinyl. My mum was a huge fan. Now, give us a six word story that tells us about you.
AT: I could listen to that album all day every day. "Dublin man found his lost soul."
GA: That's a very nice story. Is there a sequel?
AT: It's possible!
GA: So mysterious. Tell me the names of 4-6 men who inspire you.
AT: Men who inspire me, my dad, Peter Jackson, Dean O'Gorman, Russell Tovey and Dylan Moran.
GA: What's your favourite memory of you and your dad from when you were little? DYLAN MORAN. Oh god, if I didn't already adore you. Have you ever seen his stand up?
AT: Probably one of those times we sat and listened to records. I have seen his standup, he's amazing.
GA: That seems like such a lovely memory. Oh, you lucky scamp! I've never been able to catch him live. Last question! You feel the need to escape, hypothetically speaking, and to do so you choose to live in the woods for three months by yourself. Make a packing list. What would you bring to survive? Remember, you are in the woods for three months.
AT: A deck of cards, beer/alcohol, tea and coffee, a 90-day supply of chocolate chip scones, enough clothes and food and soap and toilet paper, pen and paper for writing and doodling, blankets for cold nights, and a guide for plants that could potentially kill me or keep me alive. And a shelter of some sort, I suppose.
GA: Haha, you suppose. The guide would come in handy when you run out of toilet paper. You don't want to be wiping anything precious with Poison Oak.
[AN: Here, the interview descended into anarchy regarding precious appendages and their coming in contact with poisonous plants. The interview ended with an agreement that if the interviewer or interviewee were in that exact situation, the other would not laugh at their expense and get them the immediate medical attention they required. In the event that wouldn't be possible, the other would attend to the incapacitated one with a dock leaf.]
And there you have it, folks! Now, since this was the first interview that I've properly given while been properly inebriated, please go and listen to this where you will a) hear an actual professional at work and b) Aidan's ridiculously infectious giggle. I dare you not to smile.